Managing Former Peers: How to Successfully Manage Friends at Work

The old manager left, and they had to pick a new one. You had more experience than most of the people in the group. You also do great work, are often asked for help by less-skilled team members and are viewed as a team leader. As a result, you were promoted, and now you’re the manager! First, the good news: • You may get a nice bump up in pay • Your friends and family will be proud of you • You’ll be taking on new and exciting responsibilities Now the bad news: • Your relationship with your co-worker friends will begin to change • You will have to learn to delegate tasks to people that were previously your peers • You may have to discipline your friends • You will have to be much more careful as to what you say to your work friends Generally speaking, you will find that the junior people will be happy you got the job because they see that the company promotes from within, and they know they are not ready to be managers. Yet in a year or two, these same people will hope you leave so they can take your place. Others in your group may be jealous and/or resentful of you because they think they should have gotten the job instead of you. Others will be happy you got the job because they think it will be good for their career. In other words, they think you like them, or at least that you like them more than the old boss did. There will also be others who could care less. These people have no desire to become managers; you’re just a different person in the role who will most likely be gone in a year or two anyway. In all cases, however, you are now the boss. They know that their next raise, promotion and maybe paycheck are in your hands. They will be nicer to you, let you get coffee first at the coffee machine, and slowly start acting more like subordinates than peers. They will also be more guarded about what they say to you. After all, they can’t complain to you about the boss anymore! You are the boss. In reality, you’re no longer one of the gang. The best way to understand this phenomenon, the change from subordinate to manager, is to think about how you treat your boss and to understand that you are now being treated that way by your subordinates. The primary advice and takeaways are to know that: • As the new boss, your relationship with your work friends will change • This change must take place for you to become a successful manager • You must embrace and help facilitate this change • You should make this change at a speed that is comfortable for you • Your goal here is not to lose your friends, it’s to maintain your friendships, but modify them in a way that allows you to manage effectively while in the workplace (First published in GateHouse News Service.)